If You Really Knew Me…

As part of Mama Kat’s Writing Prompts last week,she challenged us to finish this sentence “If you really knew me, you would know…”

So here is my list, the good, the bad and the sometimes very ugly:

If you really knew me, you would know that:

  • I have three children, not just two. And I still grieve over the loss of my daughter as if it happened yesterday;
  • I love anything that has a turtle on it and I have a growing collection of turtle statues and trinkets;
  • One of my most prized pieces of jewelry was a gift from my sister-in-law, a turtle charm, that I am NEVER without;
  • I love to read although I have absolutely no time;
  • I want to return to college but am afraid of having to start all over or failing to be the perfect student;
  • I am an only child with parents who live more than 600 mile away. I get worried sick when either of them gets the simplest cold;
  • I hate the size of my body but I have no desire to do something about it because I don’t feel worthy enough to spend time taking care of me;
  • I have been battling depression since my daughter died on her father’s birthday, November 11, 2001. It’s a daily struggle and one that I am learning to live with;
  • I feel that I am a disappointment to my husband and my kids because I can’t keep the house in perfect order;
  • I have no desire to return to a structured workplace and I prefer to be at home full time, raising my children and starting my own home-based business;
  • I have no clue where to begin my venture into the entrepreneurial world;
  • I am afraid to look like a failure if my business, whatever it ends up being, is not a smashing success;
  • I have many acquaintances but only thee or four true friends that would be there for me in my most desperate hours. Luckily, they know who they are;
  • I try to hard to please everyone at the expense of my own happiness and health;
  • I have a very unhealthy fear of the dentist although I know I need dental work done;
  • That writing this list was probably one of the hardest self-inspections I’ve done in a long, long time;
  • I am homesick for my east coast family each and every day of my life;
  • I have a child with Asperger’s Syndrome and Sensory Processing Disorder that most people think is just a spoiled brat;
  • My proudest moments in life are when my children achieve their own personal goals;
  • I am not proud of myself for some very stupid reasons;
  • I have a very poor memory when it comes to dates, times and events. I always ask my 7 year old to remind me of the who, what, when, where, who of an event. And then I feel stupid;
  • I am ashamed of my ruddy Rosacea-laden face;
  • I hate wearing make up but do so only when I look “too red” to not be embarrassed by it or to not make others feel uncomfortable around me;
  • I love all kinds of music except rap and opera;
  • I love a good sappy love story, but only in movie form;
  • I love mystery and suspense books, but nothing gory or romance  filled;
  • I hate going to the movie theater, I’d rather stay home in the comfort of my own home and not be annoyed by other ignorant theater go-ers;
  • I am surprised how quickly these points are flying onto this screen and how I am actually willing to share my deep (and sometimes dark) thoughts.

Most importantly, if you really new me, you would know that I am a good person, a devoted daughter, a faithful friend, a loving mom and a devoted wife. And those are the things that make me happy in this life.
Mama’s Losin’ It


About justaphillygirl

40-something mom to 3 great kids - 2 who walk and 1 who soars with the Angels. Stay at home mom, originally from Philly, PA but living life as large as I can in Southeastern Michigan.
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